The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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