On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
