he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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