he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
