instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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