How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
