So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize