Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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