if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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