Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
