It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
