meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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