I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
