So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
