You smell like a Billy Joel song
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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