Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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