i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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