somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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