if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
