You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
