I feel like abortions should bother me more
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
