the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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