I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
