Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MIDGETS
????
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
