if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
whose parrot is this?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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