Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
