break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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