I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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