in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
