I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
