he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
