haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
