U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
