I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
