Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The air was thick with penises
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
