why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
