yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is wine microwaveable?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
