I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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