I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
