Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
