oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
