Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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