I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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