Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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