How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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