things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
