i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
