Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
