Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love having hate sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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