Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
