it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize