saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
