C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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