I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
