Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
