Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
