Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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