Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
