I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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