And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
