Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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