I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
